Personal Testimonials

Heidi H. Dengrove:
My Life, New and Improved After Ostomy Surgery

Colorectal cancer. I'd never heard the words, until they were applied to me. Ostomy. I had some ideas of what it was, none of them good.

I began treatment for colorectal cancer in September 1999. I had two months of radiation therapy with continuous IV chemotherapy followed by an abdominal perineal resection. As a result of the surgery I have a permanent colostomy.

After I was released from the hospital, a Home Health Nurse came once a week to check on my perineal wound and to teach me how to manage my ostomy. After all, as she said, "This is for life. It's forever." Most importantly she corrected me when I referred to myself as an "ostomate". "No!" she said. "You are not an an ostomate. You are a person who just happens to have an ostomy!" Wise words.

I'd joined the United Ostomy Association (UOA) before my surgery but it was many months before I could attend a meeting. Late in 2000 I attended my first UOA meeting, wanting to meet "my kind". What I found was acceptance, love, information, and some of the best people in the world. I was not alone! I was elected Vice President in 2001. In April of the same year I trained and became a Certified Ostomy Visitor.

While in the hospital, I'd been told that many people with ostomies name their stomas, so I asked others in UOA if they named theirs. Yep, some of them did. Thus, I named my stoma in honor of my surgeon.

During treatment and after surgery, I began to examine my life. I identified and eliminated people and situations that I considered "toxic". Those who thought that an ostomy was "horrible, terrible, disgusting"; those who laughed and made crude jokes; anyone who was non-supportive or who "couldn't handle it".

My life is so much better now. It wasn't "bad" before but now...my soul has expanded, I think. As Vice President of the United Ostomy Association and as a Certified Ostomy Visitor, I'm able to do things for others more than before. I believe that by losing one's self in doing things for others, one discovers one's self. I've been called "an angel" several times now by patients and others I've tried to help. It's the best thing I've ever been called. Being called "Sunshine" is great too!

Recently a 12-year colorectal cancer survivor, who also has an ostomy, asked me "Would you go back to the way you were before the ostomy?"

No, I wouldn't. No.

"Even with all the little health worries we have?"

Well, I could do without those. Life, certainly, without health worries would be a lot nicer. But, no, I love my ostomy because it represents my new life: new and improved.

Life is what you make it. I determined that I could be angry, depressed, unpleasant, hate the ostomy, and make all those around me miserable. Or, I could learn to manage the ostomy, move ahead, be happy, and have a good life. Easy choice.

It isn't easy; it's not fun living with an ostomy. I have "bad days" when I look in the mirror, wondering, "Is this really me...? When will that pouch be taken away?" I sigh, I cry, give myself five minutes of self-pity and move on.

Live one day at a time; that is all we ever get anyhow. I appreciate every day more; nothing is too dull. We only have one life; be good to each other.

Love is very underrated in cancer recovery. In my opinion humor is necessary when living with an ostomy.

It's now 28 months since my ostomy surgery, so far colorectal cancer-free.

Cancer stinks. It's horrible. But the blessings that come from dealing with it on many levels can be great.